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Friday, June 1, 2018

FEELING OF EMPTINESS AND DEJECTION



As I write this piece on a subject which I have been requested to write on, I get the feeling that this is a major issue that many people face this in our society and there is a need to talk about it.

Let me start by saying that if you have a feeling of emptiness and dejection, then you are not alone and thus there is  no need for you to feel that why this happens only to you. Let us first try to understand what is emptiness and dejection and where does it come from before we can think of some possible solutions to overcome such a feeling. Emptiness is a situation that can arise because a loved one has move or passed away, because something that you expected never happened, you feel let down by someone or some act of another person or you may have a feeling that you deserve a lot that you don’t get. But all these situations lead to a feeling that there is no purpose to life or there is no meaning to life. It’s a state where you are neither happy nor sad. This emptiness leads to a feeling of dejection which is not a good state to be for a long time as it turns into depression. The good news is that you can win over this feeling of emptiness or dejection.

Whatever the reason for the feeling of emptiness and dejection, there is one thing which is very clear that it leads to a situation that I call self-Abandonment. As a person you stop loving yourself, you find every reason to start judging yourself, you begin to ignore your feelings, you carry a false sense of guilt that you are responsible for everything that is going wrong in life and finally, as a person you lose your connection with self. This further takes you to a deeper feeling of emptiness and sense of extreme dejection. In such a situation if someone were to ask you how you feel, the abrupt response is that I don’t know. These feelings develop over a period of time as you get pushed in the corner and you may not see the light at the end of the tunnel. You don’t understand how to get out of the given situation given your responsibilities.

Let’s try and see if we can find some solutions to this problem:

1.      First and the foremost you need to understand that you are not alone and this a situation that a lot of people are facing and this is reversible for sure.

2.      You cannot take the responsibility for everything that has gone wrong in this world or even in your world. Circumstances and situations at times are out of your control and life slips off. You have to do your best given the situation and be very strong. At the end of the day you will come out of it in flying colors.

3.      You have to move out of a situation of self-pity and self-abandonment. You have to begin to fall in love with yourself all over again. You are a unique person and there is no one like you and start living your life the way it used to be before.

4.      Stop ignoring your feelings, you need to listen to your feelings and bring that emotional balance that is required. Sometimes this can be achieved by putting faith in someone like a friends, son or a daughter or anyone who is a good listener and talk out to them.

5.      You need to reconnect with your inner self. During this process of dejection you have lost your connection with the self. You need to rediscover yourself and gain back that energy that is required to move forward in life. Understand that you as a person are as competent as anyone on this planet earth so just move and you will find the power to do everything that you wanted to do.

6.      Finally, let’s accept that at times life is going to be very difficult, it will be a challenge to even take care of your responsibilities. You will be looking for help and it will not come but these are the test that one has to go through in life. All you friends and relatives who were there with you may not be there anymore when the bad times come. But hold yourself and keep walking the tough path and show the world that you can do it.

The feeling of emptiness is reversible with appositive outlook. Go ahead and fall in love with yourself and see how things begin to change for you.



Monday, April 30, 2018

MOVING AWAY FROM BAD RELATIONSHIPS



This is a subject I have been thinking of writing for a long time but was waiting for the right time. I started life in the village and in the midst of poverty, so I know what life can be and many of us just can’t imagine how difficult it could be. But today, I want to write not about people in the villages but those in the cities, those that are around us, among us, and many times those that matter to us so much.

We all go through rough times in life, many times not because it is our mistake but more because those that once loved us so much and could not live without us have suddenly realized that we mean nothing to them. This could happen between siblings, parents, spouse, relatives and friends as well. This really hurts because you go through a sense of loss in life that is difficult to manage at times. You will feel how this could happen to me, I was always there for everything good or bad, I gave everything for this relationship and I don’t deserve this. You are probably right and may be you deserve something better in life. Such parting is however, a very painful process and many times you may hold yourself responsible for it.

Life however, does not work the way we want it to be. When relationships get strained and despite all your efforts there is no way to bring it back together, it may be time to call it off no matter how close the person is to you and your life. Those who go through this process will realize that the past will always come to haunt you and make you feel guilty about what has transpired. This happens because you may be so used to having that other person as part of your life and it’s difficult for you to see any other way now.

I have always recommended people to move on and find new sources of happiness in life. One of the things that I have always practiced at my personal level has been to not give rent free space to negative people in my mind. I try to delete all those people from my thoughts who are a source of my unhappiness or negative thoughts. Honestly speaking, if you start to think about it, you will realize that there are very few things at your personal level that make you unhappy. In fact most of the time your source of unhappiness lies with other people that you need to get rid of as soon as possible.

But the biggest challenge is how do we get them out of my mind. Well it’s not going to be easy and it’s not going to be possible to do it overnight. So here are some tips for you to deal with such situations that you could follow.

1.     First develop the understanding that you don’t fall into a dependency syndrome where you feel that life has no meaning now. In fact life has more meaning now than it had before.

2.     Keep your confidence at high levels as you can achieve anything you want all by yourself.

3.     Always remember that it not only your fault, the other people are also equally responsible for what is going on in your life.

4.     Sometimes just accepting the way life is gives us a good start to move forward to the next stage in life.

5.     Meet new people who can be a source of your happiness and joy. It’s never late to make new friends or even build new relationships.

6.     Find your own path in life and make sure that those who were sources of your sorrow see you being happy.

7.     It’s not easy to forgive, but if you master this art you can move very fast in life and will always be happy.

8.     Remember you are the only one who is the master of your own fate, so take it seriously and believe that you can change your life for good.

HAPPY READING AND GIVE YOUR COMMENTS PLEASE.

Wednesday, April 25, 2018

AVOIDING BAD TIMES IN LIFE



Life is the best gift you have and you certainly want to live it well. But at times things don’t go the way you had expected it. You just lost a job, you had a divorce, you lost someone very special in your life, or you did not get a well-deserved increment or promotion. Well there are a lot of things that can go wrong without any notice. Most of the time dealing with such situations is very traumatic and a life changing experience. You will feel the hurt, the guilt, the loss, or the anger depending on the situation. But then let’s see how we can overcome such situation or even avoid such situations in life. Let’s start by classifying every situation into those that you can control and those that you cannot control.

The First thing you need to do is to learn to deal with things that you cannot control, get used to it as part of living a life.  You will certainly have to part with your parents one day, some one very close to you may meet with an accident and goes away without any notice. This is life and accept it with grace.

But the most challenging are those situations that you could control but lost it at some point such as relations between family members, friends, spouse, employers, and co-workers. Here are a few things that you can do to manage your relationship such that you can avoid the bad times in life.

1  1. Give sufficient space to people around you and don’t hover over their heads at all times. Everyone needs their own time to be just by themselves. It does not mean that they don’t love you or care for you.

2  2. Control you anger at any cost, anger is the manifestation of your internal problems and not the other person in question. Anything you say when angry will only make the situation worse.

3  3. Understand that relationships are never absolute and you will have to work each day to manage them well irrespective of the type of relationship.

4  4. In a work place, if you feel you deserve something then ask for it because you will never get it unless you ask for it.

5  5. If you want to make a career for yourself then hold only yourself responsible for it. You are the master of your destiny and you have to work hard and with utmost sincerity to be happy with your career. 

6  6. Remember that if someone says that money is not important in life then either they have too much of it or they don’t have the capacity to earn it. Also remember that making money honestly is not easy but that is the only way you will be happy at the end of the day.

7  7. If you want to have a great relationship with your spouse follow these three rules. First, only one person talks at a time, second, if you don’t have anything good to talk about the parents of your spouse then don’t talk about them, finally understand that when things go wrong you are both responsible for it and only you can fix it.

8  8. Take care of your parents with no expectations. Never forget the time that they would hold your finger and walk you through the difficult terrain of life, it’s your turn now but more likely you will run from your responsibility. Treat them with very high level of dignity.

9  9. Everyone may leave you including your very close relatives but your childhood friends are always going to be there for you. So never give up on your close friends who have crossed all timelines to be with you.

1  10.Finally, be yourself and let everyone around you be themselves. Your way is not always the only way to do things. If you love your spouse go ahead and tell them how much they mean to you. Make a call to your old friend and tell them how much you miss them, forgive everyone for what they have done to you in the past. Let them know right now before one of you are gone forever.                                                              
     
     HAPPY READING AND GIVE YOUR COMMENTS PLEASE.