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Friday, June 1, 2018

FEELING OF EMPTINESS AND DEJECTION



As I write this piece on a subject which I have been requested to write on, I get the feeling that this is a major issue that many people face this in our society and there is a need to talk about it.

Let me start by saying that if you have a feeling of emptiness and dejection, then you are not alone and thus there is  no need for you to feel that why this happens only to you. Let us first try to understand what is emptiness and dejection and where does it come from before we can think of some possible solutions to overcome such a feeling. Emptiness is a situation that can arise because a loved one has move or passed away, because something that you expected never happened, you feel let down by someone or some act of another person or you may have a feeling that you deserve a lot that you don’t get. But all these situations lead to a feeling that there is no purpose to life or there is no meaning to life. It’s a state where you are neither happy nor sad. This emptiness leads to a feeling of dejection which is not a good state to be for a long time as it turns into depression. The good news is that you can win over this feeling of emptiness or dejection.

Whatever the reason for the feeling of emptiness and dejection, there is one thing which is very clear that it leads to a situation that I call self-Abandonment. As a person you stop loving yourself, you find every reason to start judging yourself, you begin to ignore your feelings, you carry a false sense of guilt that you are responsible for everything that is going wrong in life and finally, as a person you lose your connection with self. This further takes you to a deeper feeling of emptiness and sense of extreme dejection. In such a situation if someone were to ask you how you feel, the abrupt response is that I don’t know. These feelings develop over a period of time as you get pushed in the corner and you may not see the light at the end of the tunnel. You don’t understand how to get out of the given situation given your responsibilities.

Let’s try and see if we can find some solutions to this problem:

1.      First and the foremost you need to understand that you are not alone and this a situation that a lot of people are facing and this is reversible for sure.

2.      You cannot take the responsibility for everything that has gone wrong in this world or even in your world. Circumstances and situations at times are out of your control and life slips off. You have to do your best given the situation and be very strong. At the end of the day you will come out of it in flying colors.

3.      You have to move out of a situation of self-pity and self-abandonment. You have to begin to fall in love with yourself all over again. You are a unique person and there is no one like you and start living your life the way it used to be before.

4.      Stop ignoring your feelings, you need to listen to your feelings and bring that emotional balance that is required. Sometimes this can be achieved by putting faith in someone like a friends, son or a daughter or anyone who is a good listener and talk out to them.

5.      You need to reconnect with your inner self. During this process of dejection you have lost your connection with the self. You need to rediscover yourself and gain back that energy that is required to move forward in life. Understand that you as a person are as competent as anyone on this planet earth so just move and you will find the power to do everything that you wanted to do.

6.      Finally, let’s accept that at times life is going to be very difficult, it will be a challenge to even take care of your responsibilities. You will be looking for help and it will not come but these are the test that one has to go through in life. All you friends and relatives who were there with you may not be there anymore when the bad times come. But hold yourself and keep walking the tough path and show the world that you can do it.

The feeling of emptiness is reversible with appositive outlook. Go ahead and fall in love with yourself and see how things begin to change for you.



Monday, April 30, 2018

MOVING AWAY FROM BAD RELATIONSHIPS



This is a subject I have been thinking of writing for a long time but was waiting for the right time. I started life in the village and in the midst of poverty, so I know what life can be and many of us just can’t imagine how difficult it could be. But today, I want to write not about people in the villages but those in the cities, those that are around us, among us, and many times those that matter to us so much.

We all go through rough times in life, many times not because it is our mistake but more because those that once loved us so much and could not live without us have suddenly realized that we mean nothing to them. This could happen between siblings, parents, spouse, relatives and friends as well. This really hurts because you go through a sense of loss in life that is difficult to manage at times. You will feel how this could happen to me, I was always there for everything good or bad, I gave everything for this relationship and I don’t deserve this. You are probably right and may be you deserve something better in life. Such parting is however, a very painful process and many times you may hold yourself responsible for it.

Life however, does not work the way we want it to be. When relationships get strained and despite all your efforts there is no way to bring it back together, it may be time to call it off no matter how close the person is to you and your life. Those who go through this process will realize that the past will always come to haunt you and make you feel guilty about what has transpired. This happens because you may be so used to having that other person as part of your life and it’s difficult for you to see any other way now.

I have always recommended people to move on and find new sources of happiness in life. One of the things that I have always practiced at my personal level has been to not give rent free space to negative people in my mind. I try to delete all those people from my thoughts who are a source of my unhappiness or negative thoughts. Honestly speaking, if you start to think about it, you will realize that there are very few things at your personal level that make you unhappy. In fact most of the time your source of unhappiness lies with other people that you need to get rid of as soon as possible.

But the biggest challenge is how do we get them out of my mind. Well it’s not going to be easy and it’s not going to be possible to do it overnight. So here are some tips for you to deal with such situations that you could follow.

1.     First develop the understanding that you don’t fall into a dependency syndrome where you feel that life has no meaning now. In fact life has more meaning now than it had before.

2.     Keep your confidence at high levels as you can achieve anything you want all by yourself.

3.     Always remember that it not only your fault, the other people are also equally responsible for what is going on in your life.

4.     Sometimes just accepting the way life is gives us a good start to move forward to the next stage in life.

5.     Meet new people who can be a source of your happiness and joy. It’s never late to make new friends or even build new relationships.

6.     Find your own path in life and make sure that those who were sources of your sorrow see you being happy.

7.     It’s not easy to forgive, but if you master this art you can move very fast in life and will always be happy.

8.     Remember you are the only one who is the master of your own fate, so take it seriously and believe that you can change your life for good.

HAPPY READING AND GIVE YOUR COMMENTS PLEASE.

Wednesday, April 25, 2018

AVOIDING BAD TIMES IN LIFE



Life is the best gift you have and you certainly want to live it well. But at times things don’t go the way you had expected it. You just lost a job, you had a divorce, you lost someone very special in your life, or you did not get a well-deserved increment or promotion. Well there are a lot of things that can go wrong without any notice. Most of the time dealing with such situations is very traumatic and a life changing experience. You will feel the hurt, the guilt, the loss, or the anger depending on the situation. But then let’s see how we can overcome such situation or even avoid such situations in life. Let’s start by classifying every situation into those that you can control and those that you cannot control.

The First thing you need to do is to learn to deal with things that you cannot control, get used to it as part of living a life.  You will certainly have to part with your parents one day, some one very close to you may meet with an accident and goes away without any notice. This is life and accept it with grace.

But the most challenging are those situations that you could control but lost it at some point such as relations between family members, friends, spouse, employers, and co-workers. Here are a few things that you can do to manage your relationship such that you can avoid the bad times in life.

1  1. Give sufficient space to people around you and don’t hover over their heads at all times. Everyone needs their own time to be just by themselves. It does not mean that they don’t love you or care for you.

2  2. Control you anger at any cost, anger is the manifestation of your internal problems and not the other person in question. Anything you say when angry will only make the situation worse.

3  3. Understand that relationships are never absolute and you will have to work each day to manage them well irrespective of the type of relationship.

4  4. In a work place, if you feel you deserve something then ask for it because you will never get it unless you ask for it.

5  5. If you want to make a career for yourself then hold only yourself responsible for it. You are the master of your destiny and you have to work hard and with utmost sincerity to be happy with your career. 

6  6. Remember that if someone says that money is not important in life then either they have too much of it or they don’t have the capacity to earn it. Also remember that making money honestly is not easy but that is the only way you will be happy at the end of the day.

7  7. If you want to have a great relationship with your spouse follow these three rules. First, only one person talks at a time, second, if you don’t have anything good to talk about the parents of your spouse then don’t talk about them, finally understand that when things go wrong you are both responsible for it and only you can fix it.

8  8. Take care of your parents with no expectations. Never forget the time that they would hold your finger and walk you through the difficult terrain of life, it’s your turn now but more likely you will run from your responsibility. Treat them with very high level of dignity.

9  9. Everyone may leave you including your very close relatives but your childhood friends are always going to be there for you. So never give up on your close friends who have crossed all timelines to be with you.

1  10.Finally, be yourself and let everyone around you be themselves. Your way is not always the only way to do things. If you love your spouse go ahead and tell them how much they mean to you. Make a call to your old friend and tell them how much you miss them, forgive everyone for what they have done to you in the past. Let them know right now before one of you are gone forever.                                                              
     
     HAPPY READING AND GIVE YOUR COMMENTS PLEASE.

Tuesday, June 13, 2017

THE NEW CASTE SYSTEM OF INDIA


Many years back beyond my own memory there used to be a caste system practiced in India. I do have some memory of it living in the village where all the four communities worked in tune with each other in a society that was truly interdependent. I personally never witnessed any form of discrimination for anyone but it may be due to the fact that everyone knew their role in society whether good or bad, and I don’t want to go in that direction at this time. I am of the firm belief that we are now past that stage of the caste system as we have managed to create a new caste system which is based on new realities of society we live in today.


A few months back I had the opportunity to visit a very famous temple in South India. As I am not a great believer in God and religion, I try and avoid such places. But when I decide to go I maintain the sanctity of the place and am always aware of the feelings of those that are there and do everything as per the norms because I respect the belief of people. I was amazed to see something which got my attention. The Temple had four different types of lines for the “Dashan”. The first line was for those people who were classified as VVIPs and they could walk in swiftly and reach directly in front of the idol of God accompanied by people who were aware of their arrival and there was no cost to their entry. The second line was for the VIPs who were to pay Rs. 1500 to be part of the faster track to merge with the larger lines just before the main area of “Darshan”. Then a third line for those that had to pay Rs. 500 and finally a line for those that did not have to pay anything. This was really a very long line and I am sure it required a long wait for the “Darshan”. I was certainly not a VVIP to go in for free and fast. I did not want to pay to meet GOD so I had only one option and that was to stand in the line for hours which I decided not to do and left the temple premises.


I am sure that if God does exist then he would not have wanted anything like this to happen and the fact that something like this happens casts a doubt on the very existence of “GOD” who has no control over what we are doing here on the planet earth. Now you can start thinking that this is not a practice only in the temples but in a lot of other places like weddings, public events, yoga sessions organized by the Gurus and many other such events.


We have overcome the old caste system and have now adopted a NEW CASTE SYSTEM in place of it. This is the power of money, a caste system defined by ability to accumulate wealth and power. Now I understand why people who belonged to a certain caste in the old system have used them to create wealth for themselves but don’t care for the people of their own caste. This is because they are now not from the same caste. They are now in the upper caste on the economic scale of society.  Will the caste system ever die or will it only change its color.


HAPPY READING

Sunday, March 1, 2015

SPECIALIZED UNIVERSITIES IN INDIA: DO WE NEED THEM?


There is very little doubt that India needs more Universities to meet the rising demand for higher education. It is also clear that the resources required for establishment of such universities is not available with the government and thus entry of private sector is a welcome move in this direction. Lately I have been witnessing the growth of specialized universities in many States both in the private sector and in the public sector as well. The question that has come to my mind is does India needs specialized universities in the first place?

In order to address this issue it is important to first understand the concept of a university and what it is supposed to do. A university is a fairly broad concept which encompasses the study of the world that we live in and are mostly founded on a liberal arts foundation. Traditionally, the subjects of study included, science, mathematics, language, logic, rhetoric, religion, philosophy, astronomy, astrology and warfare. Over time new subjects and areas of study got included in the focus of university education. The universities provided a very broad based education with an interdisciplinary approach. As students moved up the ladder of higher degrees, they could begin to specialize in the study of particular disciplines but had a very strong grounding in general education as well.

History is evidence that universities were centers for creating and spreading knowledge in various areas of study and had a very broad base for study and research. Over time some of the departments or schools began to overshadow other departments in the university due to their work. This trend has continued to exist even today and many universities are known by either the school of engineering, school of law, school of business, etc. So it was always possible that universities could attain the status of a center of excellence in certain areas of specialization and still retain the character of as an interdisciplinary university.

The question that we need to address at this point is that if the general definition of a university allows for any area of study to create a center of excellence within the university and become known for it, then, what the need for specialized universities is. I can understand specialized institutions such as Bhabha Atomic Research Center, the Indian Institute of Science, Tata Institute of Social Sciences, and Tata Institute of Fundamental Research. However, these are not Universities but are specialized research centers of the country.

One of the most important concerns for specialized universities is the method of funding them. Those that are in the public sector will have to be funded by the government and those that are in the private sector have to be self-financed. It is very evident that the number of degree programs and thus the number of students in specialized universities will be very limited. It will be almost impossible for specialized universities in the private sector to generate sufficient funds for their operations. So the trend has been to see many private specialized universities spreading their wings to offer degree programs in areas other than their specialization by twisting the name of the degree programs so as to attract more students. In the public sector these specialized universities will become a drain on the State treasury and will land up being in the same financial mess as other public universities.

The worst part of the idea of creating specialized universities is the loss of the interdisciplinary character of universities. I do not foresee any future for such universities in India and they will continue to be a drain in the public sector and in the private sector many specialized universities have already started asking to be converted into a university with general status.


I hope the government has a re-look at this concept and not destroy the very fabric of a good University System.

Happy reading and look forward to your views and comments.

Wednesday, July 2, 2014

CONTRACT WITH GOD



Have you ever had a dialog with GOD? Well I guess I am fortunate to have had that opportunity in my early years as a young man and since then we have not talked to each other, not because we did not want to but more because we did not have the need for it.
 
In my dialog with GOD, I asked him what the purpose of my life is. He said if I tell you that then the whole purpose will be lost. Thus, now that I have put you on earth it is for you to find that purpose on your own. I then asked GOD, will you help me in this journey to find the true purpose of life and he said I already helped you by bringing you to the starting point but from here on you are on your own. I asked GOD once again; I think you are being very unfair with me as you are leaving me in the wilderness of material world and I can’t count on you in times of crisis. GOD looks at me with amusement and said that there are two things I want you to understand before I leave for my work on creation. First, there is nothing as being unfair as it is just a relative term and has no absolute meaning to it. It will all depend on whether you are looking upwards or down. Second, I do not create any crisis in the world that I created, so if you pass through a crisis in life, don’t hold me responsible for it as you are the only one who is responsible for what you do.

Good GOD you have made things so clear to me I thought to myself but went on to ask: So GOD, please tell me if I ever need you, how do I get in touch with you? There came the reply, If you spend your life in search of the purpose of your life and you sincerely want to reach that stage at some point, you will never need me. You will need me only when you are going to deviate from your path but I will never be there. But if you continue on your journey, you will find me everywhere even when you don’t need me. I have no shape, no color to my existence and thus you will never see me. I want you to remember, I will not come in the path of your journey as that would destroy the whole sequence of events and change the course of my own creation. Then GOD went on to say, the people that I created before you have put me to shame at times as they feel that they can influence me for their personal gains, they have built lofty monuments in my name and call them my house. I guess I am supposed to be living there. They have however, forgotten the very purpose of my creation and I want you to remember the purpose of creation. Don’t build temples in my name, just do what you are supposed to do and you will never need me in this life.

I went on with more questions: Well GOD please help me understand why you will not help me when I am going to be nice to you, I will worship and pray to your glory, I will give charity in your name and I will spread your name to world. GOD looked at me and smiled and then said: I don’t want you to bribe me with anything; this is done only in the place I have sent you and may be you can work towards removing such ills from there. You just have to care for my creation. Anything that I have created is part of me just like you are a part of me. If you damage or hurt any of my creations then you would be hurting me. Even when you hurt yourself by doing things that you should not do, you will be hurting me. So just go and take care of my creation and serve them as you would have desired to serve me and you would have begun your journey of self-discovery and the true purpose of life. If however, you fail to do this, you would be interfering in my task of creation.

I wanted to go on but asked the final question: Please tell me GOD, I have been reading the holy books and they say so many things that I am supposed to do to ensure that you will have mercy on me in this life. GOD looked at me with a smile and said there are some good things in those books but I did not write them. Have you seen my name as the author of those books? These books were written by those who travelled far ahead in their life in search of the purpose of life. You can read them but don’t forget what your purpose in life is and as long as you are on your journey for self-discovery, you will not need them.

I looked at GOD as asked: GOD then can I enter into a contract with you since you are my creator. I promise you that I will never interfere in your task of creation and you will not interfere in my journey of self-discovery as you have already said that you will not help.

With his hands raised there was a smile and my eyes opened, it was six in the morning and time to get ready to go to school. 

So far I have honored the contract and we both seem to be happy.


Tuesday, May 20, 2014

HOW TO BE SINCERE


Sincerity of feeling, intent and presentation touches the hearts of everyone. But what exactly defines sincerity? And how do you achieve it? No other formula exists for sincerity than to be sincere by being genuine, having faith and trust in yourself, and just being rather than trying to project something that you are not.

STEPS

1.    Act the same way alone as you do when in the presence of others. This is the real you and this is the person that people will warm to and trust. If you try too hard to be what you think other people want to see in you, the result will not be sincere and you will spend a lot of time projecting a persona that is not a real part of yourself. That is not only hard work but is ultimately insincere.

2.    Do things out of the goodness of your heart; don't seek a reward or do things to acquire things from people. When you give without expecting the boomerang effect to occur, the giving becomes an act of sincerity and an expression of your genuine concern for and interest in others. A heart that is worn on the sleeve is evident to others, and people who do this will engender a sense of rapport with others.

3.    Understand that sincerity comes from the heart. Whatever you do or say, it is vital to mean to do or say it and to back it up with your beliefs. You cannot be sincere if you say you like chocolate when you hate it. You cannot be sincere when you compliment someone but deep inside you detest him or her. You cannot be sincere when you apologize just for the sake of disarming the person that you offended, with the motive of future revenge, but you can be sincere if you are truthful to yourself.

4.    Don't do it or say it, unless you believe it from your heart. If you are placed in a situation that requires you to offer compliments or to express your opinions and tastes but you feel hampered by "white lies", there is an easy solution to this. Only choose the truths. For example, if you are called upon to give a speech about a person who is someone you would rather not be anywhere near ordinarily, choose things about that person that are good. List at least three things which you know to be good about that person and develop your speech around the good points. This will help you to speak genuinely and from the heart.

5.    Realize that sincerity can expose you. Opening up to others about your feelings, motives and aspirations can cause some people to react in insincere ways and to try and drag you down. If you are forearmed to expect this possibility, then it will come as less of a shock. Remain calm and non-confrontational when faced with such responses. There are reasons such as insecurity and anger that lie behind the inability of some people to cope with sincerity and to abuse you for it.

6.    Use positive affirmations. Always seek the good in you, in others, in situations. Try to place yourself in the other person's shoes to see where they are coming from. When negative connotations arise, use your positive affirmations to override the negatives and to try to find the silver lining in any situation. Sincerity thrives on effort to think the right way.

7.    Don't over-polish things. Sincerity is about immediacy, spontaneity, spur-of-the moment responses that well up from your genuine self. Polishing responses (whether by e-mail, speech, letter or otherwise) often removes the sincerity and replaces it with overlays of caution, attempted perfectionism and maybe even sugar-coating. The difference is detectable by the recipient and can mean the difference between you getting that deadline shifted, getting that job, getting that understanding you so very much need... or not.
Edited by Dave Crosby, Will, Rob S, Billy Stone and 18 others

Tuesday, March 25, 2014

OpenBook: EMPTY HANDS

OpenBook: EMPTY HANDS: I do not have any memory of the time I was born but people told me later in life that my hands were empty and I did not have any cloth...

EMPTY HANDS



I do not have any memory of the time I was born but people told me later in life that my hands were empty and I did not have any clothing on my body, I did not have any friends nor did I have a bank balance. I was also told that people around the house were very happy while I was crying to have landed in this world not knowing what I was getting into. I still do not know why I was crying but as I grew I started to realize that may be it was because I was too simple as being in relation to the complex world I was being put into. The fear, the anxiety and the complexity might have taken a toll on me at that time..may be..may be not.

Caught between the science of birth and magical power of the heavenly God..is there any explanation to my entry into this complex world? Growing up in the midst of poverty all around taught me some very valuable lessons early in life. First that life has never been fair to all. If you lead a good life you must be blessed to be living that way. I realized that there were so many people in this world who are better than me but I still lead a better life than them. What kind of fairness was this? Is this because I was born to be better than others or was it an accident in the cycle of life and death. This question still haunts me each day as I lead my life towards the final destination. Secondly, I realized that people are generally nice; it is our own imaginations about other people that make us a very small person. Now I have started understanding why I was crying when I was born.

Today, we live in a world that has lost all humanity; the difference between being human and being an animal has become so small. We trust our animal pets more than we can trust our fellow humans. Probably we believe that since animals don’t have the power to think, may be ..maybe they will not hurt us. This is the point that we have reached in our human existence. We have become so greedy of the material possessions that we are willing to close our eyes to what is happening to humanity as a whole. We are today able to justify all our wrong actions as those necessary for living in this world. Money has become the driving force for everything that we do. We have lost our sense of proportion and have lost the fear of God (if there is one). May be in our quest for a grand material life we have given up on God and even at times have tried to buy him out. The question that always bothers me is; how much money is enough for each of us? We are giving up on our value and ethics for that additional money that we can steal from other people. This only makes some better off at the cost of some becoming worse off. Money has taken the form of piece of bread that is thrown to the dogs on the street and each of them wants to have all of it ending up in bitter fight. Is our society moving in that direction and can we do something about it is big question mark.

 Standing on the sidelines and watching the Nation be robbed of its wealth each day by the so called leaders is a reality for all of us and that is why I say that as a society we have lost our sense of balance. Nothing that we will acquire in this world is going to go with us and for sure it will be left behind. We will go back the way we came with empty hands. 

WHAT IS GOING TO ALL WAYS STAY WITH US IS WHAT DIFFERENCE WE HAVE MADE IN THE LIFE OF PEOPLE WHO WE HAVE CONNECTED DURING OUR LIFE TIME. THIS IS WHAT I CALL WEALTH OF THE GODS.    -HAPPY READING..